It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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