fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
