he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
