we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
