My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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