I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
