discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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