Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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