i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
