So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
