I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
