Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
