Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
