You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
as a side note pls kill me
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
