I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
