the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
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