Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
