my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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