38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize