Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
