Pappa wants mamma naked
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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