I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
