Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I have post one night stand depression
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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