Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
