Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
