hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize