Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize