What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize