Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
