Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You did what with his pubic hair?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
