btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I need to calm my uterus...
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
