Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize