I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
