I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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