you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
