I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
