Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
