I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
