Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize