You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
