sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Life is so much better after having sex.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I am one with the molecules
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
