Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
