There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
