i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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