i think i have two assholes
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
