Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
