Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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