I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Randomize
