so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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