I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
