Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
