a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
