another moral hangover. fuck.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
