i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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