By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
