where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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