i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
