why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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