You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
