I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
