Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
