Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
